One Caregiver v. One Stuffed Condo. - NYTimes.com

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By PAULA SPAN

I’m enjoying a blog called The Downsize Challenge, whose author posts weekly about her trials and triumphs as she culls through a lifetime’s possessions crammed into her grandfather’s two-bedroom Florida condo.

The Downsize Challenge has raised questions that plague all of us (what do all those keys unlock, anyway?) and fostered a lively competition to see which reader had the oldest expiration date on something in the medicine cabinet (a jar of Vaseline from 1974 took the prize).

It also carries a not-so-subtle message. “I was encouraging other members of my family not to wait 20 years to deal with this stuff, because I don’t want to have to do it again,” said the blog’s author, Julie Lanoie.
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In China, a Move to Mandate Closer Families - NYTimes.com

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by Sharon LaFraniere

Under a proposal submitted last Monday by the Civil Affairs Ministry to China’s State Council, adult children would be required by law to regularly visit their elderly parents. If they do not, parents can sue them.
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End-of-life Consultations

SS Fact Sheet No.01 Social Security Across Generations

By Virginia Reno and Elisa Walker

Social Security is the mainstay of economic security for older Americans. Two in three seniors who
receive benefits get more than half their total income from Social Security. For one in three, benefits
account for almost all (90 percent or more) of their income. But Social Security is more than a retirement
program; it is also a family protection plan. About 3.3 million children receive benefits because
one or both of their parents are disabled, deceased, or retired. These monthly benefits help stabilize
families across the nation and across generations.

Download/Read SS Fact Sheet No.01_Social Security Across Generations.pdf

Making End-Of-Life Decisions Is Hard On Family Members - Kaiser Health News

By Michelle Andrews

Most people would agree that when the time comes, they want a "good death." But what that means is all too often left up in the air until a crisis strikes or the stricken person is no longer able to communicate his wishes or his advance planning documents are not clear. When that happens, spouses, adult children, siblings and others find themselves in the unenviable role of surrogate decision-makers, trying to divine, sometimes with very few facts and under very emotional circumstances, what people they love would have decided to do if they were able to choose.

The critical role of the surrogate decision-maker deserves more attention and support, say experts. It's incredibly stressful -- on a par psychologically with having your house burn down, says Daniel Sulmasy, a professor of medicine and ethics at the University of Chicago Divinity School and co-author of a commentary on surrogate decision-making in the Nov. 3 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association. Too often, hospital staff and clinicians want to move into the decision-making phase without taking into account the family members' need to come to terms with the situation, he says.

It's a role that many of us may have to step into. Only about one in four people have signed advance directives that spell out their wishes if they're unable to make medical decisions on their own, according to a 2006 report published by the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press.
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What if Mom Dies in San Francisco But Dad Is Buried in Vermont?

by Helen Kao

I was recently asked by a patient’s family member what they need to prepare for should their loved one pass away and they need to transport the body to their family home. While I have encountered this issue for a patient who died and was cremated (the family carried the urn with them on the flight as a carry-on) I surprised myself in realizing that neither I, nor my informal survey of several geriatric and palliative care colleagues knew the answer. I suspect that, ultimately, most palliative care social workers and, certainly, directors of mortuaries and funeral homes can provide the answer this family member needed. But I decided I needed to learn how to answer this important question myself.
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Grandparents Rights » Grandparents Custody Options

Grandparents custody is occurring with greater frequency today due to many social factors. Certainly, the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren in their homes is skyrocketing.

Grandparents who take care of their grandchildren regularly, whether through a court order or because their children are unfit, may want to think about getting custody. Without legal custody, grandparents may find themselves unable to get proper medical care or take advantage of certain benefits their grandchildren may be entitled to.

There are several options to consider here:
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Dementia at the Kitchen Table - NYTimes.com

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By CELIA WATSON SEUPEL

Like so many of my friends, I recently brought my mother home to live with my family. At 92, Mom still laughs readily, especially at herself; still dances a few steps whenever she hears jazz; still loves literature, though she’s more likely to read Sue Grafton than James Joyce these days.

She just can’t remember anything.

We extracted Mom from her home of 40 years only by urgent persuasion and promises of eventual return. The place was a wreck, littered with crumpled tissues, filthy linens, mouse droppings and piles of junk-mail solicitations that confounded her. I do not think she will ever go back. And after four months of living together, I do not know if I can manage to stay. Mom runs like an Eveready battery. She is never still.
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The Age for Change: An E-Book for People 50+ | Coming of Age E-Book

by Gloria Hochman

“I wish you had asked me. I could have told you plenty to put in your book.”

This comment came from the well-dressed woman in the purple suit who sat at an adjacent table as the three of us—Dick Goldberg, Mady Prowler and I—were having a spirited conversation over lunch about how those of us over 50 negotiate relationships with our adult children.

Dick is National Director and Mady the Assistant Director of Coming of Age—a project based on the belief that the gift of extended years gives those of us 50+ the chance to engage with our personal and public communities in a way that will enrich our emotional lives, contribute to society, deepen our relationships and bring us new fulfillment.

The book you are about to read, The Age for Change, is part of that project.

The reaction of the woman dressed in purple was typical. Whenever we mention to anyone what this book includes, the response invariably is something like, “How do I get my hands on it?”
The Age for Change: An E-Book for People 50+ | Coming of Age E-Book

Holidays a Good Time for Driving Skills Assessment - Determining When to Limit/Stop Drive Time of Loved Ones - Elinor Ginzler - AARP

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by: Elinor Ginzler | from: AARP

With the number of drivers 70 and older increasing — and one in five Americans caring for an older loved one — the number of adult children concerned about their parents' driving abilities is on the rise.

If you have any concerns, your first stop should be to learn the warning signs of diminished driving skills, then get in the car and observe. Some of the warning signs:

• Easily distracted while driving.

• Hitting curbs.

• Having trouble merging onto lanes.

• Poor judgment making left turns.

• Failing to follow traffic signs and signals.

Looking for patterns is the key. Once you get the facts and educate yourself, you'll be in a better position to identify problems and suggest solutions.

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Grandparents Rights » Grandparents custody: what is it and why?

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from CaringGrandparents.com

A grandparent may seek legal custody of their grandchildren for numerous reasons. The simplicity or complexity of this will depend on individual circumstances and whether or not both the parents and grandparents agree that the children should be in the custody of the grandparents.

Legal custody is awarded by the courts and is not merely a written agreement between two parties. If both parties are not in agreement, the grandparent or other relative must prove to the court that it is in the best interest of the child or children to be raised by someone other than the parent.

If neglect or abuse of a child is suspected, it should be reported to the Department of Social Services. It is also important to record and document any reasons why a child should be removed from the custody of his or her parents. This is not a decision that a court makes lightly and supporting evidence must be presented by a relative when seeking custody of a child.

When a person or couple becomes the custodian of a child, this does not legally sever other family relationships as in the case of adoption and may be reversed at a later time when circumstances change.
Grandparents Rights » Grandparents custody: what is it and why?

Grandfamilies: A New Term on the Rise

by Jilly Prather

Today’s definition of “family” has been changing drastically in recent years with the advent of a new kind of family unit. Due to various reasons—such as parents having drug problems, the rise of divorce, an economy that has put millions out of work, and single moms who can no longer raise their own children—we now have a growing generation of grandparents who find themselves in the trenches of raising young grandchildren. This new phenomenon of parents depending on the grandparents to finish raising their children is also called “the skipped generation.”

As a grandparent, I once dreamed about my children leaving home to embark upon creating their own lives as independent people, having a home of their own, good jobs, and grandchildren for me to spoil and send home. Retirement was something I looked forward to, with travel plans and the freedom I felt I deserved after decades of raising my kids.

One evening a few months ago, I received a call from the police department asking if I could go pick up my 14-year-old granddaughter for an indefinite period. Of course I went quickly, as Sherry (not her real name) and I had a strong bond. I had always told her to call me if she ever needed me for any reason. I scooped her up in my arms and promised her that everything would be okay now—she was now with Grammy. I did what any other loving grandmother would do. When the grandchildren need to be saved from dangerous situations and they have no other adult to turn to, grandparents take over to provide the safety and love the child desperately lacks but needs in order to become a good adult.

In 2008, census statistics show that 6.6 million children lived with their grandparents. Of those children, 4.4 million lived in the home of a grandparent without any help or interaction from their parents (U.S. Census Bureau 2009). Those numbers are staggering and continue to increase yearly.

Older adults who once looked forward to growing a new nest of opportunities and goals now find themselves in the midst of having to start over again raising children. Many of these seniors live on a fixed income based on social security, disability or limited retirement funds that make suddenly having another child to support very difficult. In the 2008 census, the government reported that 482,000 grandparents lived below the poverty level before they became responsible for caring for grandchildren (U.S. Census Bureau 2009).
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Related articles

• Oklahoma's Grandparents Raising Grandchildren (oklahomawomen.blogspot.com)
• Michael Friedman, L.M.S.W: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: How to Cope and Succeed (huffingtonpost.com)
• Windsor area grandparents seek custody rights (windsorstar.com)
• Studying Role of Grandparents (usnews.com)
• More children now live with grandparents, Census reports (seattletimes.nwsource.com)

Comparing Resident and Family Opinions about Nursing Home Satisfaction | Aging In Action

by Saher Selod on January 4, 2011

Nursing homes routinely survey their residents and family members about their performance. Previously, little was known about how well the opinions of family and residents coincide with other measures of performance, specifically, findings from the state surveys regarding regulatory compliance.

A new study published in the Seniors Housing and Care Journal compares how residents and family members rate nursing homes to findings on the state survey of their nursing home

Researchers from My Innerview analyzed data from two surveys of over 8,000 long-term care organizations annually. Data from a total of 89 nursing homes (located in 30 states), 18 from 2006 and 61 from 2001, were analyzed. Family and resident responses were compared and contrasted to see if their opinions about the nursing home would converge and to determine what mattered more to each, quality of life (QoL) or quality of care (QoC). Then data from the state inspection survey, Online Survey, Certification and Reporting (OSCAR), was compared to the results of family and resident surveys. Three outcomes were derived from OSCAR data: deficiencies in a nursing home’s compliance with health-related standards cited by surveyors, characteristics of its residents as recorded by surveyors, and its organizational characteristics.

Overall, families and residents had high ratings for their nursing homes and interestingly, whether they would recommend the nursing home to others was highly correlated with the compliance measures from the state surveys. Both families and residents believed that staff show respect and ensured resident safety, as well as the nursing staff providing a high quality of care. Both residents and their families were least satisfied with the adequate numbers of nursing staff.

The biggest differences lied in how families and residents rated the specific areas of nursing home life. Residents gave most areas of nursing home life a more positive rating compared to families. Residents were more concerned with QoL issues, whereas families were more concerned with issues of QoC. The families’ recommendation of their nursing home had a higher correlation with the measures of compliance compared to the residents’ recommendation.

Comparing Resident and Family Opinions about Nursing Home Satisfaction | Aging In Action

HOW TO EASE THE STRUGGLES OF CARE GIVING

By Alice Iseminger ( Seniors Helping Seniors in Lorain County Ohio)

Caring for an elderly loved one can be very rewarding. But being a caregiver can also become a struggle to cope with emotional family relationships and often, financial hardships because of missed work due to care taking.

According to a survey by the Family Caregiver Alliance and AARP, “nearly 25% of working Americans provide care to an elderly friend or relative.” Look around you. That means one in four employees have care giving responsibilities that can negatively impact their work life.

Working caregivers often have to leave their jobs early, come in late, or take extra time off for their care taking responsibilities. The stress level of juggling work, family and care giving can cause guilt, anger, exhaustion, anxiety, and depression in the caregiver.

Women caregivers are especially hard hit as they continually juggle more of the demands of family and care taking as well as their careers.

As baby boomers age, more resources are becoming available. The first place to start is by creating your own list of who, what, when, where, how and why.

• Who is available in the community to provide information and assistance? For example, Lorain County Office on Aging, and Seniors Helping Seniors

• What are the different levels of care needed? (Companionship, transportation, housekeeping, personal care, etc.?) For example, I would like someone to assist mom with her personal bathing and dressing.
• When is care needed? For example, Three days a week I would like someone to visit with my loved one and make lunch.
• Where is the best place for care? Most people prefer to stay in their own home. Being at home is where they feel safe and comfortable and it improves physical and mental well being.
• How much can the family afford and how will services be covered? It can be a combination of private funds, insurance and other resources.

• Why should I make a decision now? Don’t wait until there is an emergency to provide care for a loved one and support for the care giver.

You cannot control every situation. In all likelihood, caring for an older adult means that over time, more help will be needed, not less. As a care giver you can learn that you have options, and that you are not alone.

Caregiving Without Siblings - NYTimes.com

By PAULA SPAN

Yet Ms. Milgram-Bossong e-mailed me a few weeks back to say, “I am frightened, horrified in fact, of the near future.” The reason: She’s an only child.

“There could be some agonizing times ahead, and I’m facing it alone,” she said when I called. Research shows that even when there are several adult children, just one (a daughter, usually) emerges as the so-called primary caregiver and handles the bulk of her parents’ care. But Ms. Milgram-Bossong finds that minor consolation.

“Even if I had a sibling in California, I’d have someone to talk to. I have no one to bounce ideas off, to think about what I’m not thinking about,” she said. Widowed in her 50s with no children, she’s determined to do well by her parents when they need her, but the prospect keeps her awake nights.


Regina Milgram-Bossong, meet Margaret Reiss, 48, an insurance broker in San Francisco. Ms. Reiss knows that her parents, living independently in Florida, will need help before very long. Her father is still strong at 90, but becoming more forgetful; her mother, 94, is mentally sharp but physically very frail. “I’d like to talk and think about these decisions before we need to make them,” Ms. Reiss told me.

But having a brother in California and a sister in Maryland, both older, hasn’t helped. “We’re not on the same page,” she lamented.
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Aging Without Old — This Old Brain

by Mike

Maybe a cliche’, maybe not. Neuroscientist Glenn Heideman says we have a lot more control than previously believed.

What was the paradigm that brought us to where we are now? The boomer generation was brought up with the aging process of our grandparents. Genetics and maybe a little environment determined the rate of aging. If my memory serves me correctly, my grandparents quickly declined into what I thought of as old and continued to decline at a steady, albeit slower rate. The determining factors were few.

The larger part of their model of aging was their own expectation of aging

The Story We Tell About Aging

Expectations had a lot to do with it. Not just their expectations, but those of everyone, including myself, around them. There was my parents, then there was old. And my parents didn’t appear to be to spry either. There was an acceptance of getting old. I don’t think that was a terrible thing; it was just the way it was. I also don’t think it was necessary.

Dr. Heideman and others have changed the name of the game. The old model that said 80% of how we age is genetic has more than turned around. He tells us that the reality is that 15% of aging is genetic and that up to 85% of it is left in our own hands
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As Populations Age, a Chance for Younger Nations - NYTimes.com

Image via WikipediaBy TED C. FISHMAN

YOU MAY KNOW that the world’s population is aging — that the number of older people is expanding faster than the number of young — but you probably don’t realize how fast this is happening. Right now, the world is evenly divided between those under 28 and those over 28. By midcentury, the median age will have risen to 40. Demographers also use another measure, in addition to median age, to determine whether populations are aging: “elder share.” If the share, or proportion, of people over 60 (or sometimes 65) is growing, the population is aging. By that yardstick too, the world is quickly becoming older. Pick any age cohort above the median age of 28 and you’ll find its share of the global population rising faster than that of any segment below the median. By 2018, 65-year-olds, for example, will outnumber those under 5 — a historic first. In 2050, developed countries are on track to have half as many people under 15 as they do over 60. In short, the age mix of the world is turning upside down and at unprecedented rates.

This means profound change in nearly every important relationship we have — as family members, neighbors, citizens of nations and the world. Aging populations also alter how business is done everywhere.
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My New Grandparents Rights Book – Now Available | Grandparents Rights

by Neil Taft

I have just published the definitive volume on Grandparents Rights today. My new book No Greater Loss: The Guidebook to Today’s Grandparents Rights is now available in print. It contains everything you need to know about Grandparents Rights regarding visitation, custody, guardianship and much more.

I have written this book to help bridge the gap between Logic and Law. Grandparents have provided and still provide so much caring continuity in our extended families…and yet there is a danger that these relationships are being lost to misdirected anger and vindictiveness by irrational people in the process of fracturing the family unit.

This upheaval is happening at precisely the time when our grandchildren need a steady caring hand to reassure them. Like you, I feel strongly about the best interests of our grandchildren.

To get my new book and find out everything you need to know about Grandparents Rights just click below:
No Greater Loss : The Guidebook to Today’s Grandparents Rights

Disaster Planning Resource Tools for Older Adults and Their Caregivers

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The Hartford and the MIT AgeLab have recently made available online two resources tools to help older adults and their caregivers better prepare for a natural disaster. Both are obtainable at no charge.

The booklet, The Calm Before the Storm: Family Conversations about Disaster Planning, Caregiving, Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia was developed from research conducted with family caregivers in different parts of the United States. It includes a variety of worksheets, checklists and helpful resources.

To download a copy of the booklet or to order a free printed copy, please go to http://www.thehartford.com/calmbeforethestorm/

The brochure, It Could Happen to Me: Family Conversations about Disaster Planning is based on research conducted with people age 50 and older in different parts of the United States, and interviews with claim adjusters from The Hartford who work with people who have experienced catastrophic losses due to natural disaster.

To download a copy of the brochure or to order a free printed copy, please go to http://www.thehartford.com/talkaboutdisasterplanning/

To learn more about The Hartford Financial Services Group, please go to http://www.thehartford.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=HIG/Page/LandingPage1&cid=1150850341187&hp=true

To learn more about MIT AgeLab, please go to http://agelab.mit.edu/

Monitoring Elderly Parents - NYTimes.com

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It used to be that parents kept tabs on their children. But The Times reports this morning on new technology making it possible for adult children to monitor, to a stunningly precise degree, the daily movements and habits of their aging parents.

The purpose is to provide enough supervision to make it possible for elderly people to stay in their homes rather than move to an assisted-living facility or nursing home, and in truth many of the systems are godsends for families. But, as with any parent-child relationship, all loving intentions can be tempered by issues of control, role-reversal, guilt and a little deception — enough loaded stuff to fill a psychology syllabus.
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